Our Specialties

Mastering Stress

If there is one word that characterizes today's world, it's stress: job stress, role stress, stressful relationships, life stress!  The primary sources of stress in our lives are:

• external events
• conflicts in relationships
• internal pressures and expectations
• life crises

Often, the events themselves are not as important in determining stress levels as our emotional reaction to them.  In fact, stress is more than just an event; it consists of the event (called the stressor) plus how we feel about the situation, How we interpret it, and what we do to cope with it.

Managing Stress:  Stress management is a juggling act; most people can handle one or twosources of stress well, perhaps even three.  effectively coping with stress can cause an exhilaration known as eustress.  But when there are too many stressors, or they continue for too long, you can begin to experience distress.

This occurs when...

• you don't feel in control
• you see few or no options for handling the situation
• stress is prolonged
• there are too many simultaneous stressors.

Experts estimate that 50-80% of all physical illness is stressrelated.  In fact, stress is the #1 health problem among Americans age 20-65.  Stress affects body metabolism in much the same way as physical exertion -- with rapid heartbeat, rising blood pressure, and shortness of breath.  Under chronic stress, these reactions can cause high blood pressure, ulcer, elevated cholesterol levels, and heart disease.

Job Stress:  Job stress is an increasingly serious problem for both employers and employees; it now accounts for 10% of all worker's compensation claim.  Although technological and environmental factors such as computer terminals, noise levels, and fluorescent lighting contribute to job stress, the primary culprits appear to be psychological factors such as lack of appreciation, job instability, social isolation, and vague job descriptions  High job demand, low control over the work, and lack of decision-making power are a losing combination that creates job stress.

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Parenting

It's a job that requires very special skills but no training.  There are no licenses, certifications or exams, no application, no interview and no salary except love. Yet it "employs" 90% of Americans over 40 and 58% of those under 40. The job is parenting, and it may well be the most challenging job that any of us will ever have.

The complexities of parenthood can feel overwhelming to even the most capable people. With the pressures of today's world. It is a more difficult task than ever before.  However, developing skills in certain key areas such as communication and discipline can do much to reduce or even prevent some common parenting problems.

Communication:  One of the biggest pitfalls for parents and their children is communication. Miscommunication or lack of any communication at all quickly generates problems that only escalate with time. Keeping communication lines open and clear is vital for good parent - child relationships.

Good communication starts with good listening.  Active listening involves more than just acknowledging that your child is speaking to you.  To be an active listener,  begin by rephrasing what your child says to you: repeat what your child says in your own words, perhaps adding how you think she/he felt about what was said.  This lets your child know that you heard and understood what he said. You can follow the rephrasing with a gentle question to encourage further response or elaboration from the child.  For example, your child says to you, "I hate school!  I'm not going back". Instead of saying. "Going to school is a law", a reflective reply might be, "You seem really upset about school. Did something bad happen today?".

Nonverbal communication is also important.  Body language often tells more of a story than the words do. Commenting on a child's non-verbal cues, such as a smile or a frown, is an invitation to share the feelings behind the expression.

Discipline:  Discipline and punishment are not necessarily synonymous. Discipline is a system of guidelines designed to help children learn and adhere to standards of behavior.  When properly applied, discipline produces self-reliant, self-controlled, functional adults.

Discipline is always a balancing act between too much and too little. Studies have shown that children of authoritarian parents may end up with low self-esteem and be unable to make decisions, while permissive parenting leaves a child lacking in structure and security.

Single Parents

One in every five children under 18 lives in a one-parent family - 9.2 million children with mothers, and close to 900,000 with fathers.  While single parenthood may be the result of death, divorce or teenage pregnancies, in the last decade choosing to be a single parent has become increasingly more common.

Adjusting to Divorce:  50% of all marriages today end in divorce; half of these involve children.  How do single parents and their children adapt to and create new definitions of "family"?  Parents who are single because of death, divorce or separation may feel angry or resentful towards their former spouse.

Young Single Parents:  Young single mothers between 12 and 18 are the highest-risk group of single parents.  These pregnancies are almost always unplanned and too often, the girls decide)or are forced to) drop out of school to give birth and care for their babies.  Education is the most important factor in determining how a single parent will fare economically. 44% of single parents below the poverty line didn't finish high school.

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Teen Suicide

Every ninety minutes, another adolescent in the United States ends his life. The second leading cause of death for teens, suicide accounts for 6,000 adolescent deaths each year, a 200% increase from 30 years ago. Even these high statistics exclude the many suicides that are hidden, or reported as accidents, due to fear and shame.

Sex Differences:  For every adolescent who kills himself, 200 others attempt  suicide. Females make four times more attempts than males. However, of the teens who do complete suicide, males outnumber females 3 to I.

Two thirds of male suicides are committed with guns, while historically, most women have taken pills when attempting suicide. Recently, however, females have become increasingly violent in their attempts; guns are now used in one third of all female suicides.

CAUSES OF SUICIDE:

Although the causes of teen suicide are many and varied, their increase can usually be linked to changes in society. The decline of family unity is often a factor in adolescent suicide. Separation of parents, two-career families and increased family mobility leave parents with less attention to give their children. Ninety percent of suicidal teenagers feel misunderstood by their parents.

Teens are also under stress from competition. They worry about doing well in school and being able to find a good job when they graduate. Parents sometimes force their teenagers to strive for unattainable goals to compensate for their own adolescent failures.

Not all suicidal adolescents have disjointed home lives and impossible goals set for them. Many of them form stable relationships at home and school, and set reasonable objectives for their lives. But when they become depressed they still feel they have nowhere to turn for help.

The increasingly violent climate of our world has also emerged as a factor in suicide. The constant threat of nuclear war fosters a growing sense of hopelessness and teens may choose suicide as an option to what they see as a bleak future.

Many suicides are caused by depression, some linked to alcohol and drug abuse. But another, less visible cause of teen suicide is the sensationalized media coverage it usually receives. A rash of copycat incidents often occurs after media reports or an adolescent suicide. Recent studies show that suicide stories written in clinical terms or emphasizing the effect on friends and family members reduces this contagion effect.

WHO COMMITS SUICIDE?

Adolescents who attempt suicide seem to fall into one of three groups:

• Teens who have trouble with the law or show other signs or antisocial behavior, drug or alcohol abuse:
• Teens who repress their feelings and do not feel comfortable discussing their problems with others;
• Extreme perfectionists who are socially inhibited and feel exaggerated anxiety in the face of challenge.

The shock of losing someone close, especially a young person, prevents many people from looking beyond the immediate event to the message behind it. But suicide communicates a desperate message: that life seems unbearable and suicide the only available exit.

Suicide is not an impulsive action. It is the result of much forethought and preparation, and is often preceded by many clues.

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Eating Disorders

Eating disorders are a silent addiction hidden behind a wall of secrecy and shame. An estimated 60 million Americans - 10 -15% of the population - are afflicted with food disorders such as...

• Anorexia Nervosa: Willful starvation and excessive exercise In pursuit of perfect thinness. Anorexics believe if they can control their weight, they will also gain control over other parts of their lives.
• Bulimia: Uncontrollable eating followed by purging, either by vomiting, laxatives, or diuretics. Bulimics purge physically in an attempt to purge unacceptable feelings such as anger, loneliness and depression.
• Obesity: Compulsive overeating in an attempt to fill an emotional void. Overeaters use food to tranquilize their feelings, especially anger.

Like other addictive illnesses, an eating disorder is a family problem.  Family members become frustrated, angry and alienated from the afflicted family member. Embarrassed by the disorder, they too often deny the problem. To cure an eating disorder, families must face the problem realistically; lovingly confront the food abuser; and give them continued emotional support during their treatment.

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Alcoholism

Why Drink?  Happy hour drinks after work, a glass of wine with dinner, or a beer while watching the football game are so much a part of American life that we rarely stop to examine our drinking behavior.

People drink for a variety of reasons...

• as a coping mechanism to relieve daily tensions or worries such as loneliness, marital problems, job stress, or illness
• as a substitute for satisfying personal relationships, challenging work, or self-fulfillment
• to compensate for feelings of guilt, shyness, or low self-esteem
• for social/career reasons - many people believe that cocktail parties and business meals with drinks are necessary.

Social drinking turns to alcoholism when it becomes a primary coping mechanism for dealing with life.  The alcoholic relies on the effects of drinking to get through day-to-day living; eventually, he becomes physically and psychologically addicted to alcohol, unable to function without it.

Did You Know?  Alcohol is the most widely used and frequently fatal drug  used in America today.  It is the 3rd biggest killer in the U.S., just behind heart disease and cancer, and the leading cause of death among young people aged 15 to 24.

Alcoholism is a factor in -

• 40% of all suicide attempts
• 50% of all traffic accidents
• 54% of all violent crimes
• 60% of emergency room admission
• 80% of domestic violence incidents

Treating alcoholism is not the problem - Identifying alcoholics and getting them to accept treatment is.

Alcoholism is our most untreated, treatable disease: 35 out of 36 alcoholics never receive treatment.

Employers can be especially effective in convincing alcoholics to seek treatment.  95% of all alcoholics are employed, 45% of them in management positions.  They value their jobs highly as a sign that they're not alcoholics; the possibility of losing their job is strong motivation to seek treatment.

• Alcoholism is a family disease.  Living with an alcoholic creates a family atmosphere of confusion, despair, and instability.  family members are typically in as much or more need of assistance as the alcoholic himself.  People with an alcoholic parent are 4 to 5 times more likely to become alcoholic themselves.
• Alcoholics Anonymous and affiliated support groups work.  People who attend AA meetings are far more likely to maintain sobriety than those who attempt to "do it on their own."  Alateen, Al-Anon, Adult Children of Alcoholics, & Alatot offer programs for family members.

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Rape

One in three women will be raped in her lifetime, but only one in 10 of those raped will report it -- and in an estimated 70-80% of reported rapes, the rapist is someone the woman knows -- a boyfriend, neighbor, family friend.

Rape is a crime of violence.  It is not an act of sexual gratification, but an angry and violent expression of a desire to dominate and hurt someone else using sex as a weapon.  Most rapes involve a female victim, but men are often raped too, but rarely report it for fear of having their masculinity and sexuality questioned.

Rape is any type of forced sexual contact without consent between two or more people, regardless of sexual or marital status.  The sexual contact may involve the sex organs of one or both, including penetration, however slight, of the vagina or anus by a penis, hand, or other object.  There are many different kinds of rape and different circumstances in which it occurs...

*Stranger Rape:  Commonly called the "blitz rape" because the rapist appears from nowhere, and after the crime, quickly disappears.
*Date Rape:  Occurs during a planned meeting, when the male becomes interested in sex and attempts to seduce his date.  When she resists, he uses verbal threats and/or physical force to compel her.  Date rape victims usually have impaired reflexes due to drug or alcohol intoxication.
*Acquaintance Rape:  Forced sex between a victim and an assailant she may have seen or met on several occasions prior to the assault, but whom she doesn't know well.
*Marital Rape:  Laws making marital rape illegal did not begin to change until 1975.  Most states now have laws recognizing forcible sex without consent a crime even within a marriage.  A few, however, still consider it illegal only when the married couple is separated and not living together.

 Rape victims experience an array of feelings in definable stages following the attack:

PHASE ONE typically lasts a few days.  Victims are still in shock and experience...

• Denial, a primary defense mechanism of many survivors and
• Physical stress symptoms such as headaches, nausea, vomiting and skin rashes.

PHASE TWO occurs for 6-12 weeks after the attack when victims experience...

• Fear of death or of seeing the rapist again.
• Anxiety triggered by sounds, smells or places that remind the victim of the rape or the rapist.
• Loss of self-esteem; feeling soiled, used, and worthless.
• Guilt and self-blame
• Sexual dysfunction from the apprehension and discomfort when faced with any physical closeness.
• Anger towards people who remind the victim of the rapist, such as all men or all black people with whom she comes in contact with.

PHASE THREE is a period of resolution and coping with the feelings caused by the rape.  This usually includes the help of a professional counselor; the time required to complete this phase varies for each person.

PHASE FOUR is the long-term adjustment of recovery, during which the victim resumes control of her/his life.

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Spouse Abuse

Domestic violence is the number 1 cause of physical injury to women in the United States.  Every 15 seconds a woman is beaten, and more than 2,000 are murdered each year by husbands or boyfriends.  Men are occasionally victims of their wives' violence, but in 95% of spouse abuse cases, men are the offenders.

Why do men batter?

Spouse abusers are frequently possessive and demanding men who feel the need to control those around them.  More often than not, they themselves were victims of violence in childhood.  Batterers traits' include:

• poor impulse control and explosive temper.  These men rely on violence to express their chronic frustration.
• emotional dependency.  batterers often experience bouts of depression that they hide from everyone but their families.
• insatiable ego and exaggerated sense of self-importance that masks feelings of...
• insecurity, inferiority, emotional isolation, and defensiveness.
• unreasonable jealousy about their spouse's activities and friends.
• overly forceful sexual activities, or "punishing" the spouse by withholding sex.
• a belief system that accepts violence as a legitimate way of dealing with feelings.

Why do victims stay?

Spouse abuse is a vicious cycle of tension, criticism, violence, remorse and reconciliation.  The effects of psychological degradation and physical abuse are cumulative, so the memory of past violence and threats of future violence become as frightening as the event itself.  Its victims often become psychologically paralyzed, feel unable to escape their abuser and, as a result, lose all self-respect.

Women often feel responsible for the violence, blaming the violence on their inability to meet the expectations of the man they love.  Their sense of worthlessness is reinforced by the abuse, and they come to believe that they can't live without their abusers.  Abused spouses are characterized by:

• unrealistic hope that the beatings will stop and naive belief in his empty promises that he will "never do it again"
• economic and emotional dependency on the abuser.
• depression and high vulnerability to drug and alcohol abuse.
• a history of family violence in their family of origin.
• gradually increasing social isolation.
• poor sexual self-image.
• frequent suicidal thoughts and/or a history of minor attempts.

If you or somebody you know is the victim of spouse abuse, it's crucial to realize that wife beating is harmful to the entire family.  Staying in an abusive situation prolongs the emotional and physical pain of both victim and abuser and gives children the idea that violence is an inevitable part of male/female relationships.

Will power alone can't change lifelong patterns of abusive behavior, but help is available for abusers to learn to manage anger non-violently; for victims to learn how to get out of the cycle; and for children to realize the violence isn't their fault.

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Child Abuse

Child abuse is a national emergency in the United States.  There were nearly 60,000 reported cases of child abuse in 1974.  In 1980, That number rose to 1.1 million and by 1990, it more than doubled to 2.4 million.

Child abuse includes any kind of mistreatment that retards a child's physical or psychological development or that directly reduced his/her self-esteem.  It can take the form of...

Physical Abuse

Neglect - Deprivation of basic physical human needs such as food, water or shelter.  Neglected children often suffer from dehydration, malnutrition, pneumonia and general poor health.

Battering - Actual bodily attacks and beatings, including drowning and choking attempts.  Battered kids suffer from bruises, broken bones, internal bleeding, and often death.

Sexual Abuse - One of the most common forms of child abuse is molestation.  Four of every 10 girls and one of every 10 boys are victims of child sexual abuse.  Most sexual abuse happens between the ages of 9 and 12 (although abuse of 2 and 3 year-olds is not unusual).  The abuser is almost always a man - often a relative or family friend, someone the child respects as an authority figure: for 29% of the women who are sexually abused before the age 18, their father was their first abuser.

The trauma of sexual abuse lingers long after the event.  Many youngsters develop post-traumatic stress disorder causing nightmares, flashbacks, withdrawal, verbal outbursts, and physical symptoms such as sweating and racing heartbeats.  Other symptoms linked to sexual abuse include:

• feelings of self-hatred, helplessness and distrust of others
• anxiety and somatic complaints such as chronic headaches
• depression
• compulsive sexual activity
• amnesia or losing one's train of thought during conversations

Physical abuse contributes to chronic runaway behavior, delinquency and emotional problems.  Because of their poor self-image, abused children usually lack assertiveness and believe that they deserve to be punished.

Emotional Abuse

Verbal abuse may not leave physical bruises, but can permanently scar a child psychologically.  Parental indifference, emotional neglect and verbal abuse cause lasting psychological damage.  Abusive behavior includes;

• Harsh criticism: "Can't you do anything right? You're stupid!"
• Emotional deprivation, i.e., failure to fill a child's natural needs for attention, praise and love.
• Ignoring a child when he's hurt or upset or minimizing his pain: "Stop your whining - you're okay."
• Domination of a child's every action and thought by telling him/her terrible things will happen if he/she explores and violates the parent's orders.

Abused children often mask their pain by bullying their peers and typically grow up with a negative, cynical attitude, expecting little from life and trusting no one.

Violent physical and sexual abuse are committed more often by men, but emotional abuse is committed equally often by women and men.

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